Hello Winchester!
Are you guys ok, because it's a very de-press-ing news bulletin! It's heavy but at least no people have died - just horses....
Overall though it shows some good technique, good story telling, some decent subtleties, but a few obvious errors along the way. So let's get started. Read it all. It does affect you.
TITLES AND HEADLINES (HARRY)
I think the titles are probably the longest news titles I have seen! And the sound seems to fade out at the end. Can we find a happy compromise. If we are going to run 30 seconds then sustain the music to the end or it feels like we are saying 'I know these are a bit long, so we'll fade out at the end because I am a bit embarrassed about them....'
The headlines are strong and the writing on the pony one is clever - I just wonder if among the gloom we should have had happy dogs, rather than dying horses. If it had been dying dogs (like last week) and happy horses, then not only would the illiteration have been better, but also the story and would have warranted a headline. As it wasn't, then I think go with happy dogs.
JOB LOSSES (ALEX)
LINK: This is a really well rounded look at the jobs' scene in the area, tying in three aspects. Well done. However I thought the 1,000 jobs to go in Portsmouth were definite. You say their jobs 'are at risk' this week. Which is it? Then later before you speak to Nadine you say they have gone.....
PKG: These are actually difficult packages to do when you only have exterior shots. What we really need is them providing materials for tyres of course. We need the factory floor. If they won't let you in then clearly that's impossible.
Well done for getting the Union's involvement, however when you are setting her up don't describe her as a spokesperson, when we can see them. Just say something like " Workers union the GMB revealed that...."
You interview is also in complete profile. There are number of different set up shots and cutaways which shows good practice but the interview is shot completely from the side so we can only see half her face, and because she is wearing glasses, you cannot see her eyes at all. The camera should be where she is looking and this is basic.
However well done for laying a little bit of her voice underneath the edit before we see her talking. EXCELLENT.
I like your final shot as well, but there is a stumble in your PTC.
Tips: Slow down your voice over as some of your words are swallowed at the top on the piece and you can't hear what you are saying clearly. Also if you stumble on a PTC do it over and over again until you get it right and YOU are happy with it.
Also with stories like this the way to get some reaction is to wait for a shift to finish and workers to pile out and then VOX POP them outisde the plant. They will always talk because they are eager to show their disgust at the management etc. So stay at the scene until you are happy you have got everything.
FLYBE (HARRY)
ULAY: This is really well crafted and shows quite sophisticated understanding of the construction of a bulletin. However 'In more Southern job losses' is not a great way to start the ulay. It actually doesn't make sense.
But the pictures, the way you have understood how it reflects a local audience, and your telling of the story are actually excellent, so very well done on this front to those concerned.
JOBS DEBRIEF (NADINE)
Again really nicely drawn together and good explaination of what happened last week because not everyone will have heard or remembered that news.
THIS WEEK'S BANNED PHRASE: "Joining me now......" She is not joining you now, she is with you now, or 'our political editor Nadine Forshaw is with me in the studio.....'
Again this was a good idea well executed, except it sounds like Nadine's microphone wasn't working and we could only hear her off Harry's mic.
Tips: Harry soften your approach to Nadine. Don't talk to her like you've never met her before. She is one of our own and therefore you should have a soft rapport with her. Nadine, be careful you don't use you arms too much, and also never let on that you have been trying to get hold of someone but failed. What you can dress it up as is 'the unions are locked in face to face talks with their bosses, trying to hammer out a deal that would save shipbuilding in the area. The unions will report back to us after those meetings......'
POLICE COMMISSIONER (MATT)
LINK: Lots of 'Cs' in that link which made you stumble and too much repetition of commisioner. Maybe his Hampshire counterpart (although there's a nother 'C') would have been better.
Tip: You are writing the links so if you stumble a couple of times when reading through, change it. You are the only one who will have egg on your face.
PKG: The initiative you have shown in making this a story is commendable. Not only that but you have used ability to pull the story together, to get the necessary parties to talk (albeit one being a phono), and to travel to Birmingham to make it happen. Very well done.
The construction of the package is quite clever too and visually it works with the added bits you have added to the computer screen. You have slightly cheated by covering an opening PTC (another pet hate) with a shot of a police van, without actually saying anything!
The phono interview is a real problem however as the quality is very poor and I would be interested to know how that was recorded.
Also I think there needs to be a line explaining what a police and crime commissioner actually is because I bet most people still don't know. Also I think they are across England and not the UK.
But on the whole this is superior work with a real journalistic bias with bags of initiative.
WINCHESTER PRISON (CHRISTINA)
LINK: Terrific. It nails the whole story. It's detailed, concise and well written. Best yet.
PKG: It's a good 'get' as we say. Of course he wants to spout off on the good news but he will be a very good contact to have. Well done for getting him. Again we've shot him in the rather ghostly black/grey studio which is a little odd.
What we all know is the problem on this is the lack of shots and we should make it our goal now to get in the prison to shoot it. We have made the contact and we need to exploit it to get inside. Even if it is when some of our drama people are in there putting on performances etc. We need shots of that place.
Christina - great question though to ask him to 'paint a picture of what the prison was like back then.' PERFECT. We have no pictures, so tell us about it. Well done.
Small gripe - get him to take his ID pass off. If we were at his gaff, then OK, but he's at our manor, so sliong it guvnor!
KIDNAP COURT CASE (KATE)
LINK: 'Also in crime'...... 'ALSO IN CRIME????' Harry what are you on this week. a) it doesn't make sense, and b) it is no way to link stories. 'Also in fits of giggles when I heard it.' The rest of the link is good!
PKG: Well done, you have done pretty well at telling this story with absolutely no pictures whatsoever. I understand what happened but be careful not to use police speak when doing court stories. You talk about 'abraisons' but what are they really - cuts and bruises? - and you say the police 'intervened' - how did they intervene - how did they find him all trussed up in the back of a van, or in a house or where? I wanted the denouement after six days.
Tip: This is not a package if there are no pictures. There are only pictures if you go to his house, or you drive to Cambridge where he ended up, and maybe film along the route to see where he was taken. Or even do it as a map if necessary...the number of miles etc. But it is not a package without that. So it's more a NIB with shots of the defendants.
However Kate you have done brilliantly to explain it all with a single PTC, so on that score very well done, a really professional job. And the perfect out-line too to round it off, that they would be deported.
POLICE FIXED NOTICE (TOM)
LINK: You're getting the hang of it now....
PKG: Well done again this a really fair effort and you have used pictures well and thought about who you might interview.
Tip: One thing I might have tried is actually a few vox pops of drivers. Show them the pictures of what the drivers are doing in the police video and then ask them if they've ever done anything like that. On occasions like this the vox pop could add to the story.
It was a perfect start to the package. Great pictures, very well explained. Spot on. It tells the story in words and pictures. Well done for getting the AA and a driving instuctor involved aswell. But as I say above vox pops may have helped, or even filming some drivers at a roundabout or on a duel carriageway and see what they do. We don't have to reveal identities or number plates but just to see if anything happened.
Also your cutaways are too brief and we shouldn't really see an interviewee, then a cutaway, then an interviewee, then a cutaway then an interviewee again!
Tip: Use two shots for a cutaway or certainly something longer than a one shot might be. Use it for how long it feels it should be to work visually, rather than just a device to cover an edit. Use it to your advantage and not just as a function of deceit!
Finally please don't end a piece with SOT and then an SOQ - find something, even if only one line, in between and then sign off.
NEW FOREST PONIES
LINK: Harry you are certainly on something this week. One minute brilliant, the next minute mad. I don't think you can throw in jokes about bacon when you are talking about dead ponies. You'll have the pony lobby on to you.
PKG: What a great start to this package. Terrific. So simple. Good shots, mixed with good NATSOT, mixed with great explanation and a terrific PTC. Your best opening 20 seconds yet.
It would have been nice, however, to have had a vet on this one, and bearing in mind you are our dead animal correspondent, I think you could have used your contacts to get some outside authority on this. Also, this may be my ignorance, but I didn't know what a verderer was until I looked it up.
Tip: Always get someone else into your package to give you an independent slant on a story. We need talking heads every time (except court stories).
SPORT
DAVID ARMSTRONG
Without a sports presenter you look like one of those quiet Thursday night sports evenings where there's not much to report and the news anchor does it. We have an abundance of talent who want to try and present so always, always have a sports presenter. What was the reason this week?
Liam it's a good interview - it made me feel very old to see David Armstrong, who was bald as a player, looking much older now! There are plenty of angles on the interview, that's fine, but I'm not sure there's a place for the black and white shot.
EASTLEIGH
Laura you have a very good feel for packaging. It is really nicely paced and written. You use space as much as you use words and that is a very good thing. However I think you should have found an extra line over the replay of the goal as it was such a dramatic ending to the game.
Also your colour balancing is all wrong. The pictures are blue again. Make sure you white balance, with the white card picking up the lights from the floodlights. And if it gets dark during the game make sure you keep checking the balance.
Also use a caption on the manager the second time you see him.
Tip: If you only want the first few seconds of a grab and then you need to use a cutaway before going back to the interviewee for a second time on a different piece of SOT, it is perfectly alright to caption him on the second time that we see him, as the first time round it will be too brief and no one will be able to read it.
AND FINALLY
LINK: By this stage Harry you had been drinking too much caffeine and you were trying to pour in as many dog gags as you could. Time to gag you I think!
PKG: Another good effort, but with bits missing. It's a great PTC at the end, and that's what I meant last week by showing a bit more of your personality. However I think it might have needed another line there, or a bit more interaction with the dog at the end.
What is also missing is any more dogs. Milo is lovely of course, and I have nothing against the little brown fella, but I would have liked to have seen more Milos as that is the whole point of the story.
At the top we also have to try and get the right message across, because dogs are used for brilliant things, like rescues, finding drugs, for the blind etc so the story is about what they are thinking isn't it, because we already know they are intelligent actually.
OVERALL
A mixed bag this week, but excellent moments again that shows you are listening and experimenting and using some very sound techniques. Well done.
